Struggling Identity

Jaya King

The struggle of finding one’s identity can directly be seen in If I Ever Get Out of Here by Eric Gansworth. The act of the main character, Lewis, cutting his long and braided hair shows the ways he is both literally and figuratively trying to cut off ties from traits that express his American Indian identity. His attempt to fit in with his peers causes him discomfort when he realizes what he truly lost. Not only did his hair keep him warm in the colder months but it represented a part of his culture. This aim of cultural assimilation didn’t gain him new friends which was his goal, as he still was viewed as a “reservation kid” by his white classmates. It is widely known that middle schoolers are often cruel to those who don’t fit in because of their lack of empathy towards others. They focus on their own feelings rather than others and don’t care about the lasting effects that can follow. Adolescence is a time in which many people struggle to find their identity and as Lewis shows through his failed attempts to conform with those around him.

In The House on Mango Street, by Sandra Cisneros, the main character, Esperanza, struggles trying to create an identity she is familiar with. Esperanza grows up in a lower class Hispanic neighborhood where the society is dominated by males. While she observes the world around her, she realizes the dependence on men that the women in her community rely on. Esperanza desperately does not want to fall victim to this cycle of subservience that she sees so many women around her submit to. Being an adolescent she is starting to find out who she wants to be and how she wants to be seen. As a Mexcian-American, Esperanza often touches on the struggle of living in both cultures. The challenge she faces in accepting both sides to her is clearly evident when she states, “At school they say my name funny as if the syllables were made out of tin and hurt the roof of your mouth. But in Spanish my name is made out of a softer something, like silver” (Cisneros 11). Esperanza appreciates the pronunciation of her name when it is said by Spanish speaking people but at school the English pronunciation does sound as it was intended to. For many people their name holds meaning and identity, therefore when it is repeatedly mispronounced it hints at a lack of respect and can cause one’s self worth to decrease. When said correctly, Esperanza’s name holds more importance as it is an extension of who she is.

As both characters grow older they realize the way others perceive them and neither is very happy about their looks or situation. Even though Esperanza constantly says she wants to leave Mango Street and create a new life for herself, she still feels that it is her home where she is most comfortable. Similar to this in If I Ever Get Out of Here, Lewis isn’t exactly happy with his situation on the reservation once seeing how “the other world lives”. He views the reservation as his home and is aware of the cultural comfort it brings him, but he still thinks about leaving for something more. However, a sense of guilt is present in both of the books when they talk about leaving their homes. This is especially true of Lewis because his past relatives fought hard to keep what land and culture they still have today. Lewis brings up his grandparents’ struggle with identity when talking about the American Indian Boarding Schools that many Native Americans were forced to participate in. When mentioning this stripping of one’s identity Lewis states, “The United States government had sponsored these schools, where the official motto was ‘Kill the Indian but save the man.’” (Gansworth, Location 1226). The forced assimilation that the government placed on the children and adolescents of the Native American community was despicable as the goal was to take away what made them culturally unique. This attempt to “kill the Indian” washed away many important activities and traditions that once were a large part of their heritage.

In the picture on the left which is titled “Chiracahua Apaches Arriving at the Carlisle Indian School” it shows eleven American Indians with longer hair in their attire. The picture on the right titled “Chiracahua Apache Indians After Training at the Carlisle Indian School” exhibits the same eleven people with short haircuts and a traditional school uniform. They label this transition as “training” suggesting that taking away their identity is a progressive step. The way one views themself is one of the most important and valued aspects in a person’s life. Taking away this value strips one of their self worth, which was exactly what the government was trying to do. The identity of Native Americans will forever be hurt by this act against their culture but they did and continued to persist to maintain their identity. Having a strong sense of identity allows people to be comfortable with who they are and what they stand for.

Works Cited

Chiracahua Apaches Arriving at the Carlisle Indian School, 1886, From the Records of the Office of the Chief Signal Officer (available at https://www.docsteach.org/documents/document/chiracahua-apache-arriving-carlisle)

Chiracahua Apache Indians After Training at the Carlisle Indian School, 1886, From the Records of the Office of the Chief Signal Officer (available at https://www.docsteach.org/documents/document/chiracahua-apache-at-carlisle)

Cisneros, Sandra. The House On Mango Street. New York : Vintage Books, 1991, c1989. Print.

Gansworth, Eric. If I Ever Get Out of Here. Scholastic Inc, 2013. Kindle Edition.