Externalizing identity

In The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth, it details the development of Cameron Post as she enters adolescence. Adolescence is a time of discovering one’s identity and it is interesting to see how various factors affect Cameron’s development of identity. She grew up in a small conservative town in Eastern Montana as a lesbian. When Cameron had her first lesbian experience with Irene, she was left feeling very excited, but guilty as well. Later that night, she found out both her parents had died in a car crash which really increased the feelings of guilt, as Cameron questioned if her actions had caused the car crash somehow. Before the news struck her, she overheard a conversation and was extremely worried that people found out about her and Irene’s kiss. When she found out that her parents died, her immediate action was to feel relief that they hadn’t been caught and that her secret was still safe. The reality of the situation soon hit her, but I found it very interesting that her first reaction was to feel that relief. I think this shows how much society can try to shape identity and who you are especially based on where you live. The idea of homosexual relationships was engrained to be taboo in Cameron’s mind before she had really even had time to think about the concept, likely because of the views people in her town had. The result of this going forward is that Cameron had to figure out her identity largely in secrecy. Other than her friend Lindsey, for the longest time, Cameron seemed to be on this journey alone with no one to talk to. I think one effect of Cameron having to develop her identity and sexuality in secrecy is that it caused a need to externalize her identity. This is what I suspect the doll house and cottage cheese containers helped her do. It’s almost like by setting up and decorating the doll house, a part of her identity was externalized in a way that she couldn’t have externalized with other people. I think this is also the reason why she loved film so much; “I don’t think it’s overstating it to say that my religion of choice became VHS rentals, and that its messages came in Technicolor and musical montages and fades and jump cuts and silver-screen legends and B-movie nobodies and villains to root for and good guys to hate. But Ruth was wrong, too. There was more than just one other world beyond ours; there were hundreds and hundreds of them, and at 99 cents apiece I could rent them all” (Danforth). She rented countless VCRs and sometimes watched them multiple times, imagining herself in the place of the characters. It was a way that she could express her developing identity outside of her mind without receiving judgement or backlash from anyone. Each film to her was like a reality she could empathize with and live beyond her life in small town Montana. She even said that the person who works at the video store knows a good amount about who she is by knowing all the movies she has rented out.

-Ryan Seales