Throughout Cameron’s life, she encounters new people coming in and out of the picture; do these people change who Cameron is or just shape her life in a different way? Friends, family, and authority figures guide the direction of a child’s life in order for them to fit into society, and Cameron pushes against these norms in her home town due to being queer, making herself a spectacle to be watched over. Although most teenager must experience their first heartbreak, learn how to cope with loss, figure out how to be in healthy relationships, etc., these may look different for someone queer compared to society’s hetero-norms. I argue that the experiences we have in adolescence define ourselves, while identities, such as sexuality, shape the contexts of the experiences.
Beginning Cameron’s adolescence, her introduction to her sexuality is mixed with mourning. The same evening she kisses Irene, she gets news that her parents have been in a fatal accident. Cameron associates this kiss as the cause for the accident, saying, “…to explain that everybody knows how things happen for a reason, and that we had made a reason and bad, bad, unthinkable things had happened” (Danforth 45). Cameron has officially realized a small part of who she is, and it unfortunately coincides with this death, creating this fear that who she is caused this tragedy to happen. This causes a period of uneasiness in Cameron, as she has been thrown straight out of innocence into the turmoil of her teenage life. Not only does losing her parents create a shift in comfortability in her surroundings, but now her knowledge of herself has also changed. Although she feels responsible for their death, it can be acknowledged that Cameron’s identity did not explicitly cause the death of her parents, yet the memory and emotions of this event is shed in a different light as it is shared with the experience of her first kiss. The guilt associated with the overall night is shaped due to this being a queer interaction, allowing identity to shape the context of the scenario but the experience of death and new beginnings occurring at the same time is life-altering itself. As her life shifts with the transition of guardians, Cameron’s acknowledgement of her sexuality comes to the forefront, and the experiences of this realization and trauma occurring at the same time alter the path of Cameron’s adolescence of finding closure in their death.
When Cameron is in her hometown, she has friends that make her experience as a queer adolescence condescending: Lindsey and Coley. Lindsey is the first lesbian that “teaches” Cameron about what it means/looks like to be gay. Cameron’s fling with Lindsey is fun and exciting and gives Cameron freedom to express herself. When Cameron begins a friendship with Coley, she hides her sexuality, as she doesn’t know Coley this way but holds a crush on her. Coley initiates sexual tensions with Cameron, and once Cameron reciprocates, Coley is disgusted and blames Cameron for taking advantage of her. Once Cameron is in conversion camp, Coley writes, “I’ve never known shame like this. I don’t know how I let you control me like you did… I feel like damaged good right now” (Danforth 333). Cameron’s experience as a queer is conflicted between these two friends, Lindsey embraces Cameron and proves to her that her sexuality is something to be prideful in, while Coley frames Cameron as someone to be ashamed of. This conflict of people telling Cameron what is or isn’t right does not seem to affect Cameron’s understanding of her sexuality (probably thanks to Lindsey), but rather this experience with Coley teaches Cameron about heartbreak and betrayal. Cameron’s experiences as an adolescence are shaped by these encounters, while she acknowledges her sexuality as something not to be changed, it sets her up for difficult experiences that may look different in a heterosexual lens, teaching Cameron about relationships as an adolescent queer.
Finally, Cameron meets friends like Jane and Adam while at Camp Promise who have similar experiences to her own. Although it is a change associated with being outcasted by her family and old friend, Cameron is content when surrounded by people who have undergone the troubles of not being accepted and also experiencing the suffering of the camp as well. These friends help Cameron realize how there is no changing who they are, discussing how nobody leaves Camp Promise early because they’ve “recovered” but just because they’re too old or out of money to pay (Danforth 390). The experience of being unaccepted and ashamed of at home and relocated to a foreign place is made easier by these friends, whom Cameron feels trust and understanding for. To end the story, these friends help Cameron find closure with her parents, a sign that she now understands who she is did not cause their misfortune. Cameron’s friends at Camp Promise may have been slightly forced by circumstance, but these may be the best friends she finds as she learns a sense of belonging and acceptance with her life as a whole that she did not receive from people in Miles City.
Overall, the experiences we have in adolescence define ourselves, while identities, such as sexuality, shape the contexts of the experiences. While Cameron meets a variety of people and encounters many obstacles, she remains true to her identity as queer, but her experience as a teenager is skewed in ways based on these people and circumstances she finds herself in. When she experiences loss along with her first kiss, Cameron loses her innocence in multiple ways, and then she experiences heartbreak and shame in a queer relationship, learning about love and betrayal. Finally, while at conversion camp, she finds accepting friends that share an understanding of Cameron’s experiences and validate her. Although these moments are shaped by Cameron’s sexual identity, her personality is formed on these moments of loss, venturing relationships, being unaccepted by her loved ones, and finding new people to care for her. To conclude, despite being shaped by identity, adolescents’ understanding of themselves and their future is based upon the relations they have with the people and circumstances around them that all teenagers must face to some extent to mature into adulthood.
-Elizabeth Kiefer
Works Cited
Danforth, Emily M. The Miseducation of Cameron Post. Balzer + Bray, 2018.
Representing Adolescence @ Pitt 