Successful

Why is success hard? Running at four in the morning, studying all day, running four plus companies. When I started middle school I thought about the concept of “success” for the first time. I used to watch motivational videos and get pumped thinking one day I’d be successful and famous. But it wasn’t until ninth grade that I really set goals and tried to accomplish them. I spent all of high school working on these goals, occasionally adding, changing, and dropping some. When high school ended, I hadn’t accomplished anything. I wanted straight A’s and to go to an ivy league school and instead I spent most of my nights watching youtube and wondering how different things would be if I actually studied. I wanted to break five minutes in the mile and instead I came up short despite working harder than most of the people who were running faster than me. I wanted to break eighteen minutes in a 5k, but instead I came up short once again. I was somewhat happy with the growth I made as a person in high school, but I hadn’t accomplished any of my goals. Now I’m in college and things haven’t got much better. I don’t have the grades I want, I’m not good at the things I wish I was good at, I feel lazy, undisciplined, and I don’t know why. Is something wrong with me?

The crazy thing is that I can’t remember the last time I even tried. When you have goals you try and you fail or try and succeed right? But I haven’t even tried and I don’t know why. Am I afraid of failure, success, change? Everyday I get older and one day I’ll be forty wondering what I did with my life and wishing I’d actually tried. It’s scary to think about that. Do you want to die with unfinished business? To me that’s my biggest fear and somehow I’m sitting here going to bed at four in the morning and behind on all of my classes. 

So why does success feel so far away? I think it’s because success and goals mean change and change requires effort on our part. It almost feels like the person we are now and the person we’re becoming are two different people. Were the Lowell girls successful? Was Esperanza successful? Was Cameron successful? Was Jane successful? The Lowell girls came out with a publication and fought for labor rights, I’d say that makes them feel successful. Esperanza grew as a person during the story, but I don’t think she really had a clear goal that she was pursuing. Similarly, Cameron also goes on a journey, but she didn’t have a clear goal. Unfortunately, I haven’t finished reading Dread Nation, but I hope Jane experiences some sort of success.

Is success and it’s journey an adolescent problem? I think people can want to be successful at any point in their life. When was the first time you set a goal? There are kids who want to be professional athletes, there are high school students aiming for a university, and there are college students looking at jobs and graduate school. If I’m being honest, I don’t think we see enough success stories in adolescent literature. At least all of the books I’ve read with teenage characters, none of them really say I want this or that and spend the whole book trying to get it. Have you read a book like that? Did you enjoy it? 

I’m nineteen and I’m scared I’m going to waste the rest of my life away. The one thing that keeps me going is seeing the worst case scenario. I remind myself if I don’t try then my life is going to go in that direction. What keeps you going? At the end of the day, I want to go to bed knowing I got closer to something. When was the last time you had such a busy day you fell asleep exhausted as soon as you got home? I want everyday to feel that busy. Have you ever aimed to get a good grade, studied, and got that grade? I’m chasing that feeling. Do you have goals? What keeps you motivated? I hope at some point I can say I’m really happy with the life I’m living. I hope one day I accomplish something great. I hope I can learn more about success and help others become successful. If you’re reading this I hope you become successful. 

James Chupalio